I know it’s been a while but I have been truly going through something in my new environment. Sometimes I feel lost out here in North Carolina and I can’t find me, if that makes sense to you. I feel as if I have lost myself and this journey is about me finding myself again, getting to know who I really am. My likes and dislikes and my real passions in life, I’ve been out here about a year and a half but it feels like 5 years and I’m ready for a change again. I believe my patience for this place is wearing thin. I have been through the ups and downs of getting to know my new surroundings but sometimes I literally feel as if I’m in the Twilight Zone and it’s my challenge to find whatever it is I’m seeking but I am constantly feeling as if I’m trapped in a tornado funnel. So I throw myself into my business but even then I feel as if I’m swimming in circles at times.
What am I to do? What do I need to do differently? Am I really happy here? Do I need to make another change? Or should I wait it out and believe the change I am seeking will come? At times I feel as if I’m at a loss, I do not remember feeling this way in California. But that is home for me and I was comfortable with my surroundings, my friends and my family. But I am always up for trying something different and boy is this different. I am not comfortable out here, I do not have my family and friends out here that I can bond with and that can be a very lonely feeling at times. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and some of his wonderful family members are here, and although they try and make me feel as comfortable as possible it’s just not the same.
Maybe this uncomfortable feeling is a good thing for me because that “feeling” helps keep me on my toes and keep me focused to make my new environment work for me, make new friends and try new things and keep striving to make my business a success, because there is no other option. Finding the positive in the negative helps me out a great deal when I am weighing the pros and cons of this new life. I’m trying to be patient and see the silver lining but I guess like anything it takes time and patience, something I never really had before but I’m learning. We'll see how I feel next month.
